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We take family problems to work and work problems to the family. What happens when we take family problems to work? Our stress level goes up and productivity comes down. Similarly, work and social problems have an impact on every aspect of our lives. Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm.
What are the factors that form our attitudes? If you have a negative outlook on life because of your environment, can you change your attitude? Most of our attitude is shaped during our formative years. There are primarily three factors that determine our attitude. They are: 1. Let's evaluate each of the factors individually. Every place be it a home, organization or a country has a culture. Have you noticed that sometimes you go to a store and you find the salesperson polite, the supervisor, manager and owner polite as well?
Yet you go to another shop and you find everyone rude and discourteous. You go to a home and you find the kids and parents well-behaved, courteous and considerate.
You go to another home where everyone is fighting like cats and dogs. In countries where the government and political environment is honest, generally you will find that the people are honest, law abiding and helpful.
And the reverse is true too. In a corrupt environment, an honest person has a tough time. Whereas in an honest environment, the corrupt one has a tough time.
In a positive environment, a marginal performer's output goes up. In a negative environment, a good performer's output goes down. Culture in any place always goes top down, never bottom up. We need to step back and look at what kind of environment we have created for ourselves and those around us. It is tough to expect positive behavior in a negative environment. Where lawlessness becomes the law, honest citizens become cheats, crooks and thieves.
Isn't it time to evaluate the environment that we are in or we have created for others? Experiences Our behavior changes according to our experiences with people and events in our life. If we have a positive experience with a person, our attitude toward him becomes positive and vice versa. Education I refer to both formal and informal education, not just academic qualifications.
Knowledge strategically applied translates into wisdom, ensuring success. I talk of education in the broader sense. It makes the role of the ; educator vital. A teacher affects eternity.
The ripple effect is immeasurable. Education ought to teach us not only how to make a living but also how to live. Just like an absence of ill health does not equal good health, an absence of negativity alone does not make a person positive. People with positive attitudes have certain personality traits that are easy to recognize. They are caring, confident, patient, and humble. They have high expectations of themselves and others. They anticipate positive outcomes. A person with a positive attitude is like a fruit of all seasons.
He is always welcome. But what is easy to see is also easy to miss. People with a negative attitude have a hard time keeping friendships, jobs, marriage and relationships. They also pass on their negative behavior to others around them and to future generations. Human nature generally resists change.
Change is uncomfortable. Regardless of its positive or negative effect, change can be stressful. Sometimes we get so comfortable with our negativity that even when the change is for the positive, we don't want to accept it. We stay with the negative. Charles Dickens wrote about a prisoner who stayed for many years in a dungeon. After serving his sentence, he got his freedom.
He was brought out from his cell into the bright daylight of the open world. This man looked all around and after a few moments was so uncomfortable with his newly acquired freedom that he asked to be brought back to his cell into confinement. To him, the dungeon, the chains and the darkness were more secure and comfortable than accepting the change of freedom and the open world.
Undoubtedly, it would be a lot easier and better to have acquired a positive attitude during our formative years. Does that mean if we acquire a negative attitude, whether by design or by default, we are stuck with it? Of course not. Can we change? Is it easy? Absolutely not. How do you build and maintain a positive attitude?
We are. We have to accept responsibility some time in our lives. We blame everyone and everything but ourselves. It is up to us to choose our attitude every morning. As adults, we need to accept responsibility for our behavior and actions. People with negative attitudes will blame the whole world, their parents, teachers, spouse, the economy and the government for their failures.
You have to get away from the past. Dust yourself off, get back into the mainstream. Put your dreams together and move forward. Thinking of the positive things that are true, honest and good, will put us in a positive state of mind. If we want to build and maintain a positive attitude, we need to consciously practice the following steps: Step 1: Change Focus, Look for the Positive We need to become good finders. We need to focus on the positive in life. Let's start looking for what is right in a person or situation instead of looking for what is wrong.
Because of our conditioning, we are so attuned to finding fault and looking for what is wrong that we forget to see the positive picture. Even in paradise, fault finders will find faults. Most people find what they are looking for. If they are looking for friendship, happiness and the positive, that is what they get. If they are looking for fights or indifference, then that is what they get.
Caution looking for the positive does not mean overlooking faults. He ended up as one of the largest steel manufacturers in the United States. At one time he had 43 millionaires working for him.
Several decades ago, a million dollars used to be a lot of money; even today it is a lot of money. Someone asked Mr. Carnegie how he dealt with people? Andrew Carnegie replied, "Dealing with people is like digging gold: When you go digging for an ounce of gold, you have to move tons of dirt to get an ounce of gold.
But when you go digging, you don't go looking for the dirt, you go looking for the gold. Become a digger for gold. If you are looking for what is wrong with people or with things, you will find many. What are you looking for? Andrew Carnegie's reply has a very important message. There is something positive in every person and every situation.
Sometimes we have to dig deep to look for the positive because it may not be apparent. Besides, we are so used to looking for what is wrong with other people and situations, we forget to see what is right. Someone once said that even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Remember when you go looking for gold, you have to move tons of dirt to get to an ounce of gold. But when you go looking, you don't go looking for the dirt, you go looking for the gold.
Negative People will Always Criticize Some people criticize no matter what. It does not matter which side you are on, they are always on the other side. They have made a career out of criticizing. They are "career critics. They will find fault with every person and every situation. You will find people like this in every home, family, office.
They go around finding fault and telling everybody how bad things are and blaming the whole world for their problems. We have a name for these people. They are called energy suckers.
They will go to the cafeteria and drown themselves in 20 cups of tea and coffee and smoke to their hearts' content with one excuse: they are trying to relax.
All that they are doing is causing more tension for themselves and for others around them. They spread negative messages like a plague and create an environment conducive to negative results. Robert Fulton invented the steamboat. On the banks of the Hudson River he was displaying his new invention. The pessimists and the skeptics were gathered around to observe. They commented that it would never start.
Lo and behold, it did. As it made its way down the river, the pessimists who said it would never go, started shouting that it would never stop. What an attitude! That could walk on water. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw this miracle. At the same time, he was very pleased that he could show off his new acquisition to his friends.
He invited a friend to go duck hunting. After some time, they shot a few ducks and the man ordered his dog to run and fetch the birds. All day-long, the dog ran on water and kept fetching the birds. You Can Win by Shiv Khera amazing dog, but never got one. As they were returning home, he asked his friend if he had noticed anything unusual about his dog.
The friend replied, "Yes, in fact, I did notice something unusual. Your dog can't swim. Who is pessimist? It is well described by the following: Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.
Make all your friends feel there is something in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger. I know I have, only to have regretted it later. Procrastination leads to a negative attitude.
The habit of procrastination fatigues you more than the effort it takes to do it. A completed task is fulfilling and energizing; an incomplete task drains energy like a leak from a tank. If you want to build and maintain a positive attitude, get into the habit of living in the present and doing it now. He slept beneath the moon He basked beneath the sun He lived a life of going to do and died with nothing done. And when he becomes a big boy he says, when I finish college and do this and this and I will be happy.
And when he finishes college he says when I get my first job and do this and this I will be happy. And when he gets his first job he says when I get married and do this and this and then I will be happy. And when he gets married he says when the kids get out of school and I do this and this I will be I happy. And when the kids get out of school, he says when I retire and do this and this, I will be happy.
And when he retires what does he see? He sees life has just gone by in front of his eyes. Larsen, in The Best of Some people practice procrastination by hiding behind high sounding words, saying "I'm analyzing" and six months later they are still analyzing. What they don't realize is that they are suffering from a disease called, "Paralysis of Analysis" and they will never succeed.
Then there is another breed of people who procrastinate by saying "I'm getting ready" and a month later they are still getting ready and six months later they are still getting ready. What they don't realize is they are suffering from a disease called "Excusitis. Life is not a dress rehearsal. I don't care what philosophy you believe in--we have got only one shot at this game called life. The stakes are too high. The stakes are the future generations.
What time is it and where are we? The answer is now and we are here. Let's make the best of now and utilize the present to the fullest. The message is not that we don't need to plan for the future.
The message is that we do need to plan for the future. If we utilize our present to its fullest, we are sowing the seeds for a better future automatically, aren't we?
If you want to build a positive attitude, learn the phrase, "do it now" and stop the habit of procrastination. When people say, "I will do it one of these days," you can be sure it means none of these days. You Can Win by Shiv Khera Some people keep waiting for all lights to turn green before they leave home. That will never happen and they fail even before they start. That is sad. Stop procrastinating: Isn't it time that we put off putting things off?
Step 3: Develop an Attitude of Gratitude Count your blessings, not your troubles. Take time to smell the roses. It is not uncommon to hear that someone, because of an accident or illness, became blind or paralyzed but won a million dollars in settlement.
How many of us would like to trade places with that person? Not many. We are so focused on complaining about things we don't have that we lose sight of the things we have. There is a lot to be thankful for. When I say count your blessings, not your troubles, the message is not to become complacent. If complacence was the message you got, then I would be guilty of faulty communication and you of selective listening.
To give you an example of selective listening, let me share with you a story I heard about a medical doctor who was invited as a guest speaker to address a group of alcoholics. He wanted to make a demonstration that would be powerful enough to make people realize that alcohol was injurious to their health. He had two containers, one with pure distilled water and one with pure alcohol. He put an earthworm into the distilled water and it swam beautifully and came up to the top.
He put another earthworm into the alcohol and it disintegrated in front of everyone's eyes. He wanted to prove that this was what alcohol did to the insides of our body.
He asked the group what the moral of the story was and one person from behind said, "If you drink alcohol you won't have worms in your stomach.
That was selective listening--we hear what we want to hear and not what is being said. Many of our blessings are hidden treasures--count your blessings and not your troubles. It is a general belief that we get educated in schools and colleges. I run seminars in many different countries and ask my audiences all the time, "Do we really get educated in schools and colleges? We receive a lot of information in schools and colleges.
We do need information to be educated. But we need to know the true meaning of education. Intellectual education influences the head and values based education influences the heart. In fact, education that does not train the heart can be dangerous. If we want to build character in our offices, homes and society, we must achieve a minimum level of moral and ethical literacy.
Education that builds fundamental traits of character--such as honesty, compassion, courage, persistence and responsibility--is absolutely essential. We don't need more academic education; we need more values education. I would stress that a person who is morally educated will be a lot better equipped to move up in life or succeed than a morally bankrupt person with excellent academic qualifications. Character building and teaching values and ethics come in the formative years because a child is not born with this knowledge.
Education Without Values True education is training of both the head and the heart. An uneducated thief may steal from the freight car but an educated one may steal the entire railroad. You Can Win by Shiv Khera Universities are turning out highly skilled barbarians because we don't provide a framework of values to young people, who more and more are searching for it.
Knowledge is piling up facts, wisdom is simplifying it. One could have good grades and a degree without learning much. The most important thing one can learn is to "learn to learn. Education of the mind without morals creates a menace to society.
He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers. He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His eyes were weak, so he never watched television.
But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hot dogs. His sales and profit went up. He ordered more meat and got himself a bigger and a better stove. As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from college, joined his father.
Then something strange happened. The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way? The domestic is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad time. So the next day, the father cut down his order for the meat and buns, took down the sign and was no longer enthusiastic. Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hot dog stand. And his sales started coming down rapidly.
The father said to his son, "Son, you were right. We are in the middle of a recession. I am glad you warned me ahead of time. Many times we confuse intelligence with good judgment.
A person may have high intelligence but poor judgment. Choose your advisers carefully and use your judgment. The tragedy is that there are many walking encyclopedias who are living failures. Intelligence is quickness to leam. Ability is the skill to apply what is learned.
Competence is the ability and the desire to apply what is learned. Desire is the attitude that makes a skillful person competent. Many skillful people are incompetent. Ability without the right attitude is wasted. You Can Win by Shiv Khera The first duty of a university is to teach wisdom, not trade; character, not technicalities.
First, those who manage well the circumstances which they encounter day by day; and those who can judge situations appropriately as they arise and rarely miss the suitable course of action.
Next, those who are honorable in their dealings with all men, bearing easily what is unpleasant or offensive in others, and being as reasonable with their associates as is humanly possible. Furthermore, those who hold their pleasures always under control and are not unduly overcome by their misfortunes, bearing up under them bravely and in a manner worthy of our common nature.
Most important of all, those who are not spoiled by their successes, who do not desert their true selves, but hold their ground steadfastly as wise and sober-minded men, rejoicing no more in the good things that have come to them through chance than in those which through their own nature and intelligence are theirs since birth. Those who have a character which is in accord, not with one of these things, but with all of them these are educated--possessed of all the virtues.
In a nutshell, educated persons are those who can choose wisely and courageously under any circumstances. If they have the ability to choose between wisdom and foolishness, between good and bad, between virtuousness and vulgarities, regardless of the academic degrees they have, then they are educated.
An expert is someone who knows all the answers if you ask the right questions. What is a Broad-Based Education? A board was formed and it was decided that flying, tree climbing, swimming, and burrowing would be part of the curriculum in order to give a broad-based education. All animals were required to take all subjects. The bird was excellent at flying and was getting A's but when it came to burrowing, it kept breaking its beak and wings and started failing.
Pretty soon, it started making C's in flying and of course in tree climbing and swimming it was getting F's. The squirrel was great at tree climbing and was getting A's, but was failing in swimming. The fish was the best swimmer but couldn't get out of the water and got F's in everything else.
The dog didn't join the school, stopped paying taxes and kept fighting with the administration to include barking as part of the curriculum. The rabbit got A's in burrowing but tree climbing was a real problem. It kept falling and landing on its head, suffered brain damage, and soon couldn't even burrow properly and got C's in that too. The mentally retarded eel, who did everything half as well became the valedictorian of the class.
The board was happy because everybody was getting a broad-based education. What a broad-based education really means is that the student is prepared for life, without losing their areas of specialization or competence. You Can Win by Shiv Khera We are All Gifted with Some Strengths The small size of the hummingbird, weighing only a tenth of an ounce, gives it the flexibility to perform complicated maneuvers, such as beating its wings 75 times a second.
This enables the hummingbird to drink nectar from flowers while hovering but it cannot soar, glide or hop. The ostrich, at pounds, is the largest bird but it can't fly. However, its legs are so strong that it can run at up to 50 miles per hour, taking strides of feet.
Ignorance Illusion of knowledge is not education, but ignorance. Foolish people have a strange kind of confidence which comes only with ignorance. Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn to do things the right way.
Some people accumulate ignorance and they confuse it with education. Ignorance is not bliss. It is misery, tragedy, poverty, and sickness. If ignorance were bliss, how come not more people are happy? If a little knowledge is dangerous, so is a lot of ignorance which leads to pettiness, fear, dogmatism, egotism, and prejudice. Wisdom is nothing more than dispelling ignorance. We live in an information age. It is estimated that the amount of knowledge is doubling every year.
With information so readily available, it is easy to dispel ignorance. It is sad to see that we are taught everything but the most essential things.
We are taught the three R's reading, writing, arithmetic , but what good is intellectual education without understanding human dignity and compassion? Schools are a fountain of knowledge: some students come to drink , some to sip and others just to gargle. Common sense Education and knowledge without common sense has little meaning. Common sense is the ability to see things as they are and do them as they ought to be done.
We are born with five senses touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing. But successful people have a sixth sense common sense.
Common sense is gained in spite of, not necessarily as a result of, education. The best education without common sense is worthless. An abundance of common sense is called wisdom. The company hired Bill and within a year he got a raise. This caused resentment in John and he went to his boss to talk about it. The boss said, "You are still cutting the same number of trees you were cutting five years ago.
We are a result-oriented company and would be happy to give you a raise if your productivity goes up. You Can Win by Shiv Khera harder and putting in longer hours but he still wasn't able to cut more trees. He went back to his boss and told him his dilemma.
The boss told John to go talk to Bill. Bill answered, "After every tree l cut, l take a break for two minutes and sharpen my axe. When was the last time you sharpened your axe? My question is, when was the last time you sharpened your axe? Past glory and education don't do it.
We have to continuously sharpen the axe. Feed Your Mind Just like our bodies need good food every day, our minds need good thoughts every day. The key words in the preceding sentence are good food and good thoughts.
If we feed our body with junk food and our mind with bad thoughts, we will have both a sick body and mind. We need to feed our mind with the pure and the positive to stay on track. Through constant practice and exposure, we can learn the principles that make a person successful just like we learn to play basketball.
Knowledge is Power We hear every day that knowledge is power. Not really. Knowledge is information. It is potential power and it becomes power only when it is acted upon. What is the difference between a person who cannot read and a person who can but does not read? Not a whole lot. Learning is like eating food. It is not how much you eat that matters, what counts is how much you digest.
Knowledge is potential power, wisdom is real power. Education takes many forms, it is not just grades and a degree. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. Education is a Reservoir Positive thinkers are like athletes who, through practice, build an inner reservoir of stamina that they draw on in competition.
If they don't practice, they have nothing to draw on. You Can Win by Shiv Khera Similarly, positive thinkers regularly build a reserve of positive attitude by constantly feeding their mind on the pure, the powerful and the positive on a daily basis. They realize that we are all going to be faced with the negative and if we have the reserve of positive attitude we will be able to overcome; otherwise the negative will prevail.
Positive thinkers are not fools and they are not going through life with blinders. They are winners who recognize their limitations, but focus on their strengths. Losers, on the other hand, recognize their strengths but focus on their weaknesses. Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. When we feel good within, our performance goes up, our relationships improve both at home and at work.
The world looks nicer. What is the reason? There is a direct correlation between feeling and behavior. If you want to build positive self-esteem quickly, one of the fastest ways is to do something for others who cannot repay you in cash or kind. You Can Win by Shiv Khera A few years ago l started volunteering my time to teach attitude and self-esteem programs to jail inmates. In just a few weeks, I learned more than l had learned in years.
After attending my program for two weeks ;one of the inmates stopped me and said, "Shiv, l want to talk to you. I'm going to be released from prison in a couple of weeks. He thought for a while and then said that he felt good about himself. Tell me specifically what behavior has changed? He told me he read his Bible every day since l started the program.
He replied that he felt comfortable with himself and others which he hadn't felt before. Then l asked him the same question again and he gave me the same answer. For the third time l asked him the same question What are you going to do when you leave jail?
At this point, in an angry tone, he said, l am going to be a contributing member of society. Earlier he had said, l am going to try to be" and now he said "I am going to be.
Either we do it or we don't. The word "trying" keeps the door open for him to come back to jail. Another inmate, who was listening in on our conversation, asked, "Shiv, what do you get paid to do all this?
He then asked, "Why do you come here? In a nutshell, what you put into the system, you always get back, and most times more than you can ever put in. But you don't put it in with the desire to get something back. Another inmate said, "What anybody does is their business.
When people take drugs, it is none of your business. Why don't you leave them alone? If you can guarantee that when someone takes drugs, and when they get behind the wheel of a car and have an accident, the only thing they will ever hit is a tree, l will compromise.
But if you cannot guarantee that when they take drugs and have an accident, then you or your kids or l or my kids could be dead under the wheels, you better believe it is my business. People choose to ignore the spirit and derive the meaning that is convenient to them. Such people have tied this phrase to selfishness and I'm sure that was not the intent. These people forget that we don't live in isolation.
What you do affects me and what I do affects you. We are connected. We have to realize that we are sharing this planet and we must learn to behave responsibly. There are two kinds of people in this world--takers and givers.
Takers eat well and givers sleep well. Givers have high self-esteem, a positive attitude, and they serve society. By serving society, I do not mean a run-of-the-mill pseudo leader-turned-politician who serves himself by pretending to serve others. As human beings, we all have the need to receive and take.
But a healthy personality with high self-esteem is one that not only has its need to take but also to give. A man was washing his new car when his neighbor asked him, "When did you get the car? You Can Win by Shiv Khera car like that.
Step 6: Stay Away from Negative Influences Today's teenagers learn from adult behavior and the media. They face peer pressure. Peer pressure is not just limited to teenagers, it is also prevalent in adults. It shows a lack of self-esteem when people do not have the courage to say "No, thank you," and stay away from negative influences: What are the negative influences?
Negative People An eagle's egg was placed in the nest of a prairie chicken. The egg hatched and the little eagle grew up thinking it was a prairie chicken. The eagle did what the prairie chickens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds. It clucked and cackled. It never flew more than a few feet because that is what the prairie chickens did.
One day he saw an eagle flying gracefully and majestically in the open sky. He asked the prairie chickens: "What is that beautiful bird? He is an outstanding bird, but you cannot fly like him because you are just a prairie chicken.
He lived the life of and died a prairie chicken, depriving himself of his heritage because of his lack of vision. What a waste! He was born to win, but was conditioned to lose. The same thing is true of most people. The unfortunate part of life is as Oliver Wendall Holmes said, "Most people go to their graves, with music still in them. If you want to soar like an eagle, you have to learn the ways of an eagle. If you associate with achievers, you will become one. If you associate with thinkers, you will become one.
If you associate with givers, you will become one. If you associate with complainers, you will become one. Whenever people succeed in life, petty people will take cracks at them and try to pull them down. When you refuse to fight petty people, you win. In martial arts, they teach that when someone takes a crack at you, instead of blocking you should step away. Even to block you require energy. Why not use it more productively? Similarly, in order to fight petty people, you have to come down to their level.
This is what they want, because now you are one of them. Don't let negative people drag you down. Remember, a person's character is not only judged by the company he or she keeps but also by the company he or she avoids. You Can Win by Shiv Khera In my travels, I have noticed that in some countries drinking has become a national pastime. If you don't drink, they look at you as if there is something wrong. Their motto is: "It doesn't matter how bad your English is, as long as your Scotch is good.
Drinking and smoking are glamorized today. It all starts with the first time. If you ask people why they consume alcohol or take drugs, they will give you a host of reasons, such as: to celebrate; to have fun; to forget problems; to relax; to experiment; to impress it is cool to drink ; to be fashionable; to mingle; for business purposes. People want to conform to peer pressure. I am amazed at the way peer pressure compels with phrases such as: "Aren't you my friend? Drinking and driving cost lives.
Pornography Pornography is nothing short of dehumanizing women and children. Eighty-six percent of rapists admit to regular use of pornography, with 57 percent admitting imitation of pornography scenes when committing sex crimes Dr.
William Marshall, You Can Win by Shiv Khera It is sad to see how low some people will stoop to make a buck by making pornography their business. What about the sick people who buy it? Negative Movies and Television Programs Today's kids are learning their attitudes and values more from television and movies than from anywhere else. It is estimated that in the United States, by the time a youngster gets out of high school, he has watched more than 20, hours of television, witnessed 15, murders, and watched , alcohol-related commercials.
No wonder the crime rate is so high! Soap operas glamorize premarital and extramarital sex. No wonder commitments are lacking in relationships and divorce rates are high. Impressionable viewers set their standards and benchmarks based on what they see and hear in the media. And no matter who it is, we are all impressionable to varying degrees. Profanity Using profanities show a lack of self-control and discipline. Rock Music The lyrics of some hit songs are obscene.
We can be subconsciously influenced by the music we hear and the performance we watch. Step 7: Learn to Like the Things That Need to be Done Some things need to be done whether we like them or not; for example, mothers caring for their young. They may not be fun and games, and may even be painful. But if we learn to like the task, the impossible becomes possible. Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
After a good night's sleep we are relaxed and our subconscious is receptive. It sets the tone for the day, and puts us in the right frame of mind to make every day a positive day. In order to bring about change, we need to make a conscious effort Andre committed to make positive thoughts and behavior part of our lives.
Practice having positive thoughts and behavior daily until they become a habit. William James of Harvard University said, "If you are going to change your life, you need to start immediately and do it flamboyantly.
The key word is preparation. Be a good finder. Make a habit of doing it now. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Get into a continuous education program. Build positive self-esteem. Stay away from negative influences. Learn to like the things that need to be done. Start your day with a positive. Write these action steps down on a 3-by-5 index card and read them every day for the next 21 days.
For the next 30 minutes, answer the following questions. Make a list of the things you would like to change about yourself. Then list the benefits to you and others of each change. Finally establish a timetable and commit yourself to make the changes. It is the result of our attitude and our attitude is a choice. Hence success is a matter of choice and not chance.
Most crackpots keep waiting for a jackpot. But can that bring success? A priest was driving by and saw an exceptionally beautiful farm. He stopped his car to appreciate the bountiful crop. The farmer was riding on his tractor and saw the priest at the corner. He drove towards the Priest and when he got there the priest said, "God has blessed you with a beautiful farm.
You should be grateful for it. The farmer replied, "Yes, God has blessed me with a beautiful farm and I am grateful for it, but you should have seen this farm when God had the whole farm to himself! How come one man goes through life crossing one hurdle after another, accomplishing his goals while another struggles and gets nowhere? If the answer to these two questions can become part of the curriculum, it could revolutionize the educational system.
The uncommon man seeks opportunity, whereas the common man seeks security. We need to keep our minds on what we want, not on what we don't want. A lot of research has gone into the subject of success and failure. All that we need to do is learn our lessons from history. When we study the life histories of successful people, we find that they have certain qualities in common no matter which period of history they lived in.
Success leaves clues and if we identify and adopt the qualities of successful people, we shall be successful. Similarly, there are characteristics common in all failures. If we avoid those characteristics, then we shall not be failures. Success is no mystery, but simply the result of consistently applying some basic principles. The reverse is just as true: Failure is simply a result of making a few mistakes repeatedly.
All of this might sound too simplistic, but the fact is that most truths are very simple. I'm not saying they are easy, but they certainly are simple. What makes a person successful? How do we recognize success? To some people, success might mean wealth. To others, it is recognition, good health, good family, happiness, satisfaction, and peace of mind. What this really tells us is that success is subjective. It can mean different things to different people.
The definition that I feel summarizes "success" well is: Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal. Earl Nightingale Let's look at these definitions carefully. We never arrive. After we reach one goal, we go on to the next and the next and the next. Outside forces cannot make me feel successful. I have to feel it within myself. It is internal not external. Which way are we heading? Positive or negative? Worthiness determines the quality of the journey. That is what gives meaning and fulfillment.
Success without fulfillment is empty. Because they give us a sense of direction. Success does not mean being accepted by everyone. There are some groups I would not want to be accepted by, out of choice. I would rather be criticized by fools than appreciated by unsavory characters. I define success as a manifestation of good luck that results from inspiration, aspiration, desperation and perspiration; generally in that sequence.
Success and happiness go hand in hand. Success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get! Existence alone is not success! It is a lot more! Do more than exist -- live Do more than touch -- feel Do more than look -- observe Do more than read -- absorb Do more than hear -- listen Do more than listen -- understand John H.
Striving for perfection is neurotic; striving for excellence is progress, because there is nothing that can't be done better or improved.
All that we need is a little edge. The winning horse in the races wins 5-to-1 or to Do you think he is five or ten times faster than the other horses? He may only be faster by a fraction, by a nose, but the rewards are five or ten times greater. Is it fair? Successful people accept responsibility and hold themselves accountable for their actions and decisions. This book can empower you to achieve your goals and live a meaningful life.
You might have heard of the power of positive thinking, but have you ever heard of the power of negative thinking? The power of positive thinking empowers you with the willpower to succeed. A study attributed to Harvard University found that when a person gets a job or a promotion, eighty-five percent of the time it is because of his attitude, and only fifteen percent of the time because of intelligence and knowledge of specific facts and figures.
Attitude is the most important word in the English language. Can an executive be a good executive without a good attitude? Can a student be a good student without a good attitude? Can parents, teachers, salespersons, employers, or employees be good in their roles without a good attitude?
The foundation of success, regardless of your chosen field, is attitude. This book will help you establish new goals, develop a new sense of purpose, and generate new ideas about yourself and your future. But the concepts in this book cannot be absorbed by casual browsing or by gulping the whole book down in one reading.
It should be read slowly and carefully, one chapter at a time. Use this as a workbook. Write marginal notes to yourself. Use a highlighter as you read and mark those words or sentences or paragraphs that seem vital, or especially applicable to you.
As you read, discuss the concepts in each chapter with your spouse or partner, or with a close friend.
(PDF) YOU CAN WIN - SHIV KHERA | Anurag Jain - .Recent Posts
When our attitude is right, we realize that we are all walking on acres and acres of diamonds. We don't have to go anywhere. All we need to do is recognize it. The grass on the other side always looks greener. While we are dyeing the grass on the other side, there are others who are dyeing the grass on our side.
They would be happy to trade places with us. When people don't know how to recognize opportunity, they complain of noise when it knocks. The same opportunity never knocks twice. The next one may be better or worse, but it is never the same one. There was a giant who was bullying and harassing the children in the village. One day, a year-old shepherd boy came to visit his brothers and asked, "Why don't you stand up and fight the giant?
We all know what happened. David killed the giant with a sling. Same giant, different perception. Our attitude determines how we look at a setback. To a positive thinker, it can be a stepping stone to success. To a negative thinker, it can be a stumbling block. Great organizations are not measured by wages and working conditions, they are measured by feelings, attitudes and relationships.
When employees say, "I can't do it," there are two possible meanings. Are they saying they don't know how to or they don't want to? If they don't know how to, that is a training issue. If they are saying they don't want to, it may be an attitude issue they don't care or a values issue they believe they should not do it.
We are not an arm and a leg, but a complete human being. The whole person goes to work and the whole person comes home. We take family problems to work and work problems to the family. What happens when we take family problems to work? Our stress level goes up and productivity comes down. Similarly, work and social problems have an impact on every aspect of our lives.
Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or your government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm.
What are the factors that form our attitudes? If you have a negative outlook on life because of your environment, can you change your attitude?
Most of our attitude is shaped during our formative years. There are primarily three factors that determine our attitude. They are: 1. Let's evaluate each of the factors individually. Every place be it a home, organization or a country has a culture. Have you noticed that sometimes you go to a store and you find the salesperson polite, the supervisor, manager and owner polite as well?
Yet you go to another shop and you find everyone rude and discourteous. You go to a home and you find the kids and parents well-behaved, courteous and considerate.
You go to another home where everyone is fighting like cats and dogs. In countries where the government and political environment is honest, generally you will find that the people are honest, law abiding and helpful. And the reverse is true too. In a corrupt environment, an honest person has a tough time.
Whereas in an honest environment, the corrupt one has a tough time. In a positive environment, a marginal performer's output goes up. In a negative environment, a good performer's output goes down. Culture in any place always goes top down, never bottom up. We need to step back and look at what kind of environment we have created for ourselves and those around us.
It is tough to expect positive behavior in a negative environment. Where lawlessness becomes the law, honest citizens become cheats, crooks and thieves. Isn't it time to evaluate the environment that we are in or we have created for others?
Experiences Our behavior changes according to our experiences with people and events in our life. If we have a positive experience with a person, our attitude toward him becomes positive and vice versa. Education I refer to both formal and informal education, not just academic qualifications. Knowledge strategically applied translates into wisdom, ensuring success.
I talk of education in the broader sense. It makes the role of the ; educator vital. A teacher affects eternity. The ripple effect is immeasurable. Education ought to teach us not only how to make a living but also how to live. Just like an absence of ill health does not equal good health, an absence of negativity alone does not make a person positive. People with positive attitudes have certain personality traits that are easy to recognize.
They are caring, confident, patient, and humble. They have high expectations of themselves and others. They anticipate positive outcomes. A person with a positive attitude is like a fruit of all seasons. He is always welcome. But what is easy to see is also easy to miss. People with a negative attitude have a hard time keeping friendships, jobs, marriage and relationships. They also pass on their negative behavior to others around them and to future generations. Human nature generally resists change.
Change is uncomfortable. Regardless of its positive or negative effect, change can be stressful. Sometimes we get so comfortable with our negativity that even when the change is for the positive, we don't want to accept it.
We stay with the negative. Charles Dickens wrote about a prisoner who stayed for many years in a dungeon. After serving his sentence, he got his freedom.
He was brought out from his cell into the bright daylight of the open world. This man looked all around and after a few moments was so uncomfortable with his newly acquired freedom that he asked to be brought back to his cell into confinement. To him, the dungeon, the chains and the darkness were more secure and comfortable than accepting the change of freedom and the open world.
Undoubtedly, it would be a lot easier and better to have acquired a positive attitude during our formative years. Does that mean if we acquire a negative attitude, whether by design or by default, we are stuck with it? Of course not. Can we change? Is it easy? Absolutely not. How do you build and maintain a positive attitude? We are. We have to accept responsibility some time in our lives.
We blame everyone and everything but ourselves. It is up to us to choose our attitude every morning. As adults, we need to accept responsibility for our behavior and actions. People with negative attitudes will blame the whole world, their parents, teachers, spouse, the economy and the government for their failures. You have to get away from the past. Dust yourself off, get back into the mainstream. Put your dreams together and move forward.
Thinking of the positive things that are true, honest and good, will put us in a positive state of mind. If we want to build and maintain a positive attitude, we need to consciously practice the following steps: Step 1: Change Focus, Look for the Positive We need to become good finders.
We need to focus on the positive in life. Let's start looking for what is right in a person or situation instead of looking for what is wrong.
Because of our conditioning, we are so attuned to finding fault and looking for what is wrong that we forget to see the positive picture. Even in paradise, fault finders will find faults. Most people find what they are looking for. If they are looking for friendship, happiness and the positive, that is what they get.
If they are looking for fights or indifference, then that is what they get. Caution looking for the positive does not mean overlooking faults. He ended up as one of the largest steel manufacturers in the United States. At one time he had 43 millionaires working for him. Several decades ago, a million dollars used to be a lot of money; even today it is a lot of money.
Someone asked Mr. Carnegie how he dealt with people? Andrew Carnegie replied, "Dealing with people is like digging gold: When you go digging for an ounce of gold, you have to move tons of dirt to get an ounce of gold. But when you go digging, you don't go looking for the dirt, you go looking for the gold.
Become a digger for gold. If you are looking for what is wrong with people or with things, you will find many. What are you looking for? Andrew Carnegie's reply has a very important message. There is something positive in every person and every situation. Sometimes we have to dig deep to look for the positive because it may not be apparent.
Besides, we are so used to looking for what is wrong with other people and situations, we forget to see what is right. Someone once said that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Remember when you go looking for gold, you have to move tons of dirt to get to an ounce of gold. But when you go looking, you don't go looking for the dirt, you go looking for the gold. Negative People will Always Criticize Some people criticize no matter what.
It does not matter which side you are on, they are always on the other side. They have made a career out of criticizing. They are "career critics. They will find fault with every person and every situation.
You will find people like this in every home, family, office. They go around finding fault and telling everybody how bad things are and blaming the whole world for their problems. We have a name for these people. They are called energy suckers.
They will go to the cafeteria and drown themselves in 20 cups of tea and coffee and smoke to their hearts' content with one excuse: they are trying to relax. All that they are doing is causing more tension for themselves and for others around them. They spread negative messages like a plague and create an environment conducive to negative results. Robert Fulton invented the steamboat. On the banks of the Hudson River he was displaying his new invention.
The pessimists and the skeptics were gathered around to observe. They commented that it would never start. Lo and behold, it did. As it made its way down the river, the pessimists who said it would never go, started shouting that it would never stop. What an attitude! That could walk on water. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw this miracle. At the same time, he was very pleased that he could show off his new acquisition to his friends.
He invited a friend to go duck hunting. After some time, they shot a few ducks and the man ordered his dog to run and fetch the birds. All day-long, the dog ran on water and kept fetching the birds. You Can Win by Shiv Khera amazing dog, but never got one. As they were returning home, he asked his friend if he had noticed anything unusual about his dog. The friend replied, "Yes, in fact, I did notice something unusual. Your dog can't swim. Who is pessimist? It is well described by the following: Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
Talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. Make all your friends feel there is something in them. Look at the sunny side of everything. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give everyone a smile. Spend so much time improving yourself that you have no time left to criticize others. Be too big for worry and too noble for anger. I know I have, only to have regretted it later.
Procrastination leads to a negative attitude. The habit of procrastination fatigues you more than the effort it takes to do it. A completed task is fulfilling and energizing; an incomplete task drains energy like a leak from a tank.
If you want to build and maintain a positive attitude, get into the habit of living in the present and doing it now. He slept beneath the moon He basked beneath the sun He lived a life of going to do and died with nothing done. And when he becomes a big boy he says, when I finish college and do this and this and I will be happy. And when he finishes college he says when I get my first job and do this and this I will be happy.
And when he gets his first job he says when I get married and do this and this and then I will be happy. And when he gets married he says when the kids get out of school and I do this and this I will be I happy. And when the kids get out of school, he says when I retire and do this and this, I will be happy. And when he retires what does he see?
He sees life has just gone by in front of his eyes. Larsen, in The Best of Some people practice procrastination by hiding behind high sounding words, saying "I'm analyzing" and six months later they are still analyzing. What they don't realize is that they are suffering from a disease called, "Paralysis of Analysis" and they will never succeed. Then there is another breed of people who procrastinate by saying "I'm getting ready" and a month later they are still getting ready and six months later they are still getting ready.
What they don't realize is they are suffering from a disease called "Excusitis. Life is not a dress rehearsal. I don't care what philosophy you believe in--we have got only one shot at this game called life. The stakes are too high. The stakes are the future generations. What time is it and where are we? The answer is now and we are here. Let's make the best of now and utilize the present to the fullest.
The message is not that we don't need to plan for the future. The message is that we do need to plan for the future. If we utilize our present to its fullest, we are sowing the seeds for a better future automatically, aren't we? If you want to build a positive attitude, learn the phrase, "do it now" and stop the habit of procrastination.
When people say, "I will do it one of these days," you can be sure it means none of these days. You Can Win by Shiv Khera Some people keep waiting for all lights to turn green before they leave home. That will never happen and they fail even before they start.
That is sad. Stop procrastinating: Isn't it time that we put off putting things off? Step 3: Develop an Attitude of Gratitude Count your blessings, not your troubles. Take time to smell the roses. It is not uncommon to hear that someone, because of an accident or illness, became blind or paralyzed but won a million dollars in settlement.
How many of us would like to trade places with that person? Not many. We are so focused on complaining about things we don't have that we lose sight of the things we have. There is a lot to be thankful for. When I say count your blessings, not your troubles, the message is not to become complacent.
If complacence was the message you got, then I would be guilty of faulty communication and you of selective listening. To give you an example of selective listening, let me share with you a story I heard about a medical doctor who was invited as a guest speaker to address a group of alcoholics.
He wanted to make a demonstration that would be powerful enough to make people realize that alcohol was injurious to their health. He had two containers, one with pure distilled water and one with pure alcohol. He put an earthworm into the distilled water and it swam beautifully and came up to the top. He put another earthworm into the alcohol and it disintegrated in front of everyone's eyes.
He wanted to prove that this was what alcohol did to the insides of our body. He asked the group what the moral of the story was and one person from behind said, "If you drink alcohol you won't have worms in your stomach.
That was selective listening--we hear what we want to hear and not what is being said. Many of our blessings are hidden treasures--count your blessings and not your troubles. It is a general belief that we get educated in schools and colleges. I run seminars in many different countries and ask my audiences all the time, "Do we really get educated in schools and colleges? We receive a lot of information in schools and colleges.
We do need information to be educated. But we need to know the true meaning of education. Intellectual education influences the head and values based education influences the heart.
In fact, education that does not train the heart can be dangerous. If we want to build character in our offices, homes and society, we must achieve a minimum level of moral and ethical literacy. Education that builds fundamental traits of character--such as honesty, compassion, courage, persistence and responsibility--is absolutely essential.
We don't need more academic education; we need more values education. I would stress that a person who is morally educated will be a lot better equipped to move up in life or succeed than a morally bankrupt person with excellent academic qualifications. Character building and teaching values and ethics come in the formative years because a child is not born with this knowledge.
Education Without Values True education is training of both the head and the heart. An uneducated thief may steal from the freight car but an educated one may steal the entire railroad. You Can Win by Shiv Khera Universities are turning out highly skilled barbarians because we don't provide a framework of values to young people, who more and more are searching for it. Knowledge is piling up facts, wisdom is simplifying it.
One could have good grades and a degree without learning much. The most important thing one can learn is to "learn to learn. Education of the mind without morals creates a menace to society. He was illiterate, so he never read newspapers. He was hard of hearing, so he never listened to the radio. His eyes were weak, so he never watched television. But enthusiastically, he sold lots of hot dogs.
His sales and profit went up. He ordered more meat and got himself a bigger and a better stove. As his business was growing, the son, who had recently graduated from college, joined his father. Then something strange happened. The son asked, "Dad, aren't you aware of the great recession that is coming our way?
The domestic is even worse. We should be prepared for the coming bad time. So the next day, the father cut down his order for the meat and buns, took down the sign and was no longer enthusiastic.
Very soon, fewer and fewer people bothered to stop at his hot dog stand. And his sales started coming down rapidly. The father said to his son, "Son, you were right. We are in the middle of a recession. I am glad you warned me ahead of time. Many times we confuse intelligence with good judgment.
A person may have high intelligence but poor judgment. Choose your advisers carefully and use your judgment. The tragedy is that there are many walking encyclopedias who are living failures. Intelligence is quickness to leam.
Ability is the skill to apply what is learned. Competence is the ability and the desire to apply what is learned. Desire is the attitude that makes a skillful person competent.
Many skillful people are incompetent. Ability without the right attitude is wasted. You Can Win by Shiv Khera The first duty of a university is to teach wisdom, not trade; character, not technicalities.
First, those who manage well the circumstances which they encounter day by day; and those who can judge situations appropriately as they arise and rarely miss the suitable course of action.
Next, those who are honorable in their dealings with all men, bearing easily what is unpleasant or offensive in others, and being as reasonable with their associates as is humanly possible. Furthermore, those who hold their pleasures always under control and are not unduly overcome by their misfortunes, bearing up under them bravely and in a manner worthy of our common nature. Most important of all, those who are not spoiled by their successes, who do not desert their true selves, but hold their ground steadfastly as wise and sober-minded men, rejoicing no more in the good things that have come to them through chance than in those which through their own nature and intelligence are theirs since birth.
Those who have a character which is in accord, not with one of these things, but with all of them these are educated--possessed of all the virtues. In a nutshell, educated persons are those who can choose wisely and courageously under any circumstances. If they have the ability to choose between wisdom and foolishness, between good and bad, between virtuousness and vulgarities, regardless of the academic degrees they have, then they are educated.
An expert is someone who knows all the answers if you ask the right questions. What is a Broad-Based Education? A board was formed and it was decided that flying, tree climbing, swimming, and burrowing would be part of the curriculum in order to give a broad-based education.
All animals were required to take all subjects. The bird was excellent at flying and was getting A's but when it came to burrowing, it kept breaking its beak and wings and started failing. Pretty soon, it started making C's in flying and of course in tree climbing and swimming it was getting F's. The squirrel was great at tree climbing and was getting A's, but was failing in swimming. The fish was the best swimmer but couldn't get out of the water and got F's in everything else.
The dog didn't join the school, stopped paying taxes and kept fighting with the administration to include barking as part of the curriculum. The rabbit got A's in burrowing but tree climbing was a real problem. It kept falling and landing on its head, suffered brain damage, and soon couldn't even burrow properly and got C's in that too. The mentally retarded eel, who did everything half as well became the valedictorian of the class.
The board was happy because everybody was getting a broad-based education. What a broad-based education really means is that the student is prepared for life, without losing their areas of specialization or competence. You Can Win by Shiv Khera We are All Gifted with Some Strengths The small size of the hummingbird, weighing only a tenth of an ounce, gives it the flexibility to perform complicated maneuvers, such as beating its wings 75 times a second. This enables the hummingbird to drink nectar from flowers while hovering but it cannot soar, glide or hop.
The ostrich, at pounds, is the largest bird but it can't fly. However, its legs are so strong that it can run at up to 50 miles per hour, taking strides of feet. Ignorance Illusion of knowledge is not education, but ignorance. Foolish people have a strange kind of confidence which comes only with ignorance.
Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn to do things the right way. Some people accumulate ignorance and they confuse it with education. Ignorance is not bliss. It is misery, tragedy, poverty, and sickness.
If ignorance were bliss, how come not more people are happy? If a little knowledge is dangerous, so is a lot of ignorance which leads to pettiness, fear, dogmatism, egotism, and prejudice. Wisdom is nothing more than dispelling ignorance. We live in an information age.
It is estimated that the amount of knowledge is doubling every year. With information so readily available, it is easy to dispel ignorance. It is sad to see that we are taught everything but the most essential things. We are taught the three R's reading, writing, arithmetic , but what good is intellectual education without understanding human dignity and compassion? Schools are a fountain of knowledge: some students come to drink , some to sip and others just to gargle.
Common sense Education and knowledge without common sense has little meaning. Common sense is the ability to see things as they are and do them as they ought to be done. We are born with five senses touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing. But successful people have a sixth sense common sense.
Common sense is gained in spite of, not necessarily as a result of, education. The best education without common sense is worthless. An abundance of common sense is called wisdom. The company hired Bill and within a year he got a raise. This caused resentment in John and he went to his boss to talk about it. The boss said, "You are still cutting the same number of trees you were cutting five years ago.
We are a result-oriented company and would be happy to give you a raise if your productivity goes up. You Can Win by Shiv Khera harder and putting in longer hours but he still wasn't able to cut more trees. He went back to his boss and told him his dilemma. The boss told John to go talk to Bill. Bill answered, "After every tree l cut, l take a break for two minutes and sharpen my axe.
When was the last time you sharpened your axe? My question is, when was the last time you sharpened your axe?
Past glory and education don't do it. We have to continuously sharpen the axe. Feed Your Mind Just like our bodies need good food every day, our minds need good thoughts every day. The key words in the preceding sentence are good food and good thoughts.
If we feed our body with junk food and our mind with bad thoughts, we will have both a sick body and mind. We need to feed our mind with the pure and the positive to stay on track. Through constant practice and exposure, we can learn the principles that make a person successful just like we learn to play basketball. Knowledge is Power We hear every day that knowledge is power. Not really. Knowledge is information. It is potential power and it becomes power only when it is acted upon.
What is the difference between a person who cannot read and a person who can but does not read? Not a whole lot. Learning is like eating food. It is not how much you eat that matters, what counts is how much you digest. Knowledge is potential power, wisdom is real power. Education takes many forms, it is not just grades and a degree. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
Education is a Reservoir Positive thinkers are like athletes who, through practice, build an inner reservoir of stamina that they draw on in competition. If they don't practice, they have nothing to draw on. You Can Win by Shiv Khera Similarly, positive thinkers regularly build a reserve of positive attitude by constantly feeding their mind on the pure, the powerful and the positive on a daily basis. They realize that we are all going to be faced with the negative and if we have the reserve of positive attitude we will be able to overcome; otherwise the negative will prevail.
Positive thinkers are not fools and they are not going through life with blinders. They are winners who recognize their limitations, but focus on their strengths. Losers, on the other hand, recognize their strengths but focus on their weaknesses.
Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves. When we feel good within, our performance goes up, our relationships improve both at home and at work. The world looks nicer. What is the reason? There is a direct correlation between feeling and behavior. If you want to build positive self-esteem quickly, one of the fastest ways is to do something for others who cannot repay you in cash or kind.
You Can Win by Shiv Khera A few years ago l started volunteering my time to teach attitude and self-esteem programs to jail inmates. In just a few weeks, I learned more than l had learned in years. After attending my program for two weeks ;one of the inmates stopped me and said, "Shiv, l want to talk to you.
I'm going to be released from prison in a couple of weeks. He thought for a while and then said that he felt good about himself. Tell me specifically what behavior has changed? He told me he read his Bible every day since l started the program.
He replied that he felt comfortable with himself and others which he hadn't felt before. Then l asked him the same question again and he gave me the same answer. For the third time l asked him the same question What are you going to do when you leave jail?
At this point, in an angry tone, he said, l am going to be a contributing member of society. Earlier he had said, l am going to try to be" and now he said "I am going to be. Either we do it or we don't. The word "trying" keeps the door open for him to come back to jail. Another inmate, who was listening in on our conversation, asked, "Shiv, what do you get paid to do all this? He then asked, "Why do you come here?
In a nutshell, what you put into the system, you always get back, and most times more than you can ever put in. But you don't put it in with the desire to get something back. Another inmate said, "What anybody does is their business. When people take drugs, it is none of your business. Why don't you leave them alone? If you can guarantee that when someone takes drugs, and when they get behind the wheel of a car and have an accident, the only thing they will ever hit is a tree, l will compromise.
But if you cannot guarantee that when they take drugs and have an accident, then you or your kids or l or my kids could be dead under the wheels, you better believe it is my business. People choose to ignore the spirit and derive the meaning that is convenient to them. Such people have tied this phrase to selfishness and I'm sure that was not the intent. These people forget that we don't live in isolation. What you do affects me and what I do affects you. We are connected. We have to realize that we are sharing this planet and we must learn to behave responsibly.
There are two kinds of people in this world--takers and givers. Takers eat well and givers sleep well. Givers have high self-esteem, a positive attitude, and they serve society. By serving society, I do not mean a run-of-the-mill pseudo leader-turned-politician who serves himself by pretending to serve others. As human beings, we all have the need to receive and take. But a healthy personality with high self-esteem is one that not only has its need to take but also to give.
A man was washing his new car when his neighbor asked him, "When did you get the car? You Can Win by Shiv Khera car like that. Step 6: Stay Away from Negative Influences Today's teenagers learn from adult behavior and the media. They face peer pressure.
Peer pressure is not just limited to teenagers, it is also prevalent in adults. It shows a lack of self-esteem when people do not have the courage to say "No, thank you," and stay away from negative influences: What are the negative influences?
Negative People An eagle's egg was placed in the nest of a prairie chicken. The egg hatched and the little eagle grew up thinking it was a prairie chicken.
The eagle did what the prairie chickens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds. It clucked and cackled. It never flew more than a few feet because that is what the prairie chickens did. One day he saw an eagle flying gracefully and majestically in the open sky. He asked the prairie chickens: "What is that beautiful bird? He is an outstanding bird, but you cannot fly like him because you are just a prairie chicken. He lived the life of and died a prairie chicken, depriving himself of his heritage because of his lack of vision.
What a waste! He was born to win, but was conditioned to lose. The same thing is true of most people. The unfortunate part of life is as Oliver Wendall Holmes said, "Most people go to their graves, with music still in them. If you want to soar like an eagle, you have to learn the ways of an eagle. If you associate with achievers, you will become one.
If you associate with thinkers, you will become one. If you associate with givers, you will become one. If you associate with complainers, you will become one. Whenever people succeed in life, petty people will take cracks at them and try to pull them down.
When you refuse to fight petty people, you win. In martial arts, they teach that when someone takes a crack at you, instead of blocking you should step away. Even to block you require energy. Why not use it more productively? Similarly, in order to fight petty people, you have to come down to their level. This is what they want, because now you are one of them. Don't let negative people drag you down. Remember, a person's character is not only judged by the company he or she keeps but also by the company he or she avoids.
You Can Win by Shiv Khera In my travels, I have noticed that in some countries drinking has become a national pastime. If you don't drink, they look at you as if there is something wrong. Their motto is: "It doesn't matter how bad your English is, as long as your Scotch is good. Drinking and smoking are glamorized today. It all starts with the first time. If you ask people why they consume alcohol or take drugs, they will give you a host of reasons, such as: to celebrate; to have fun; to forget problems; to relax; to experiment; to impress it is cool to drink ; to be fashionable; to mingle; for business purposes.
People want to conform to peer pressure. I am amazed at the way peer pressure compels with phrases such as: "Aren't you my friend? Drinking and driving cost lives. Pornography Pornography is nothing short of dehumanizing women and children. Eighty-six percent of rapists admit to regular use of pornography, with 57 percent admitting imitation of pornography scenes when committing sex crimes Dr. William Marshall, You Can Win by Shiv Khera It is sad to see how low some people will stoop to make a buck by making pornography their business.
What about the sick people who buy it? Negative Movies and Television Programs Today's kids are learning their attitudes and values more from television and movies than from anywhere else.
It is estimated that in the United States, by the time a youngster gets out of high school, he has watched more than 20, hours of television, witnessed 15, murders, and watched , alcohol-related commercials. No wonder the crime rate is so high! Soap operas glamorize premarital and extramarital sex. No wonder commitments are lacking in relationships and divorce rates are high.
Impressionable viewers set their standards and benchmarks based on what they see and hear in the media. And no matter who it is, we are all impressionable to varying degrees. Profanity Using profanities show a lack of self-control and discipline. Rock Music The lyrics of some hit songs are obscene. We can be subconsciously influenced by the music we hear and the performance we watch. Step 7: Learn to Like the Things That Need to be Done Some things need to be done whether we like them or not; for example, mothers caring for their young.
They may not be fun and games, and may even be painful. But if we learn to like the task, the impossible becomes possible. Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible. After a good night's sleep we are relaxed and our subconscious is receptive.
It sets the tone for the day, and puts us in the right frame of mind to make every day a positive day. In order to bring about change, we need to make a conscious effort Andre committed to make positive thoughts and behavior part of our lives.
Practice having positive thoughts and behavior daily until they become a habit. William James of Harvard University said, "If you are going to change your life, you need to start immediately and do it flamboyantly. The key word is preparation. Be a good finder. Make a habit of doing it now. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Get into a continuous education program. Build positive self-esteem. Stay away from negative influences. Learn to like the things that need to be done.
Start your day with a positive. Write these action steps down on a 3-by-5 index card and read them every day for the next 21 days. For the next 30 minutes, answer the following questions. Make a list of the things you would like to change about yourself.
Then list the benefits to you and others of each change. Finally establish a timetable and commit yourself to make the changes. It is the result of our attitude and our attitude is a choice. Hence success is a matter of choice and not chance.
Most crackpots keep waiting for a jackpot. But can that bring success? A priest was driving by and saw an exceptionally beautiful farm. He stopped his car to appreciate the bountiful crop.
The farmer was riding on his tractor and saw the priest at the corner. He drove towards the Priest and when he got there the priest said, "God has blessed you with a beautiful farm. You should be grateful for it. The farmer replied, "Yes, God has blessed me with a beautiful farm and I am grateful for it, but you should have seen this farm when God had the whole farm to himself! How come one man goes through life crossing one hurdle after another, accomplishing his goals while another struggles and gets nowhere?
If the answer to these two questions can become part of the curriculum, it could revolutionize the educational system. The uncommon man seeks opportunity, whereas the common man seeks security.
We need to keep our minds on what we want, not on what we don't want. A lot of research has gone into the subject of success and failure. All that we need to do is learn our lessons from history. When we study the life histories of successful people, we find that they have certain qualities in common no matter which period of history they lived in. Success leaves clues and if we identify and adopt the qualities of successful people, we shall be successful.
Similarly, there are characteristics common in all failures. If we avoid those characteristics, then we shall not be failures. Success is no mystery, but simply the result of consistently applying some basic principles. The reverse is just as true: Failure is simply a result of making a few mistakes repeatedly.
All of this might sound too simplistic, but the fact is that most truths are very simple. I'm not saying they are easy, but they certainly are simple. What makes a person successful? How do we recognize success? To some people, success might mean wealth.
To others, it is recognition, good health, good family, happiness, satisfaction, and peace of mind. What this really tells us is that success is subjective. It can mean different things to different people. The definition that I feel summarizes "success" well is: Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal. Earl Nightingale Let's look at these definitions carefully. We never arrive.
After we reach one goal, we go on to the next and the next and the next. A study attributed to Harvard University found that when a person gets a job or a promotion, eighty-five percent of the time it is because of his attitude, and only fifteen percent of the time because of intelligence and knowledge of specific facts and figures.
Attitude is the most important word in the English language. Can an executive be a good executive without a good attitude? Can a student be a good student without a good attitude? Can parents, teachers, salespersons, employers, or employees be good in their roles without a good attitude? The foundation of success, regardless of your chosen field, is attitude. This book will help you establish new goals, develop a new sense of purpose, and generate new ideas about yourself and your future.
But the concepts in this book cannot be absorbed by casual browsing or by gulping the whole book down in one reading. It should be read slowly and carefully, one chapter at a time. Use this as a workbook. Write marginal notes to yourself. Use a highlighter as you read and mark those words or sentences or paragraphs that seem vital, or especially applicable to you.
As you read, discuss the concepts in each chapter with your spouse or partner, or with a close friend. A second and hopefully frank opinion from someone who knows your strengths and weaknesses can be especially helpful. One of the purposes of this book is to help you create an Action Plan for the rest of your life. If you have never created an Action Plan, it defines three things:.
As you read this book, keep a notebook handy, divided into three sections: your goals, the stages in which you plan to reach them, and your timetable for success.
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